Mission Control and Associated Presses –

In a surprise ground swell of global sentiment, people throughout the world are demanding a Weapons of Mass Distraction Non-Proliferation Treaty.

The mysteriously awakened populace is growing in number daily, and the formerly groggy planetary population is suddenly realizing that every crisis they face is being manufactured by somebody in some think tank somewhere.

The formerly distracted are saying things like, “We're forgetting what we came here to do because of everything they make us do while we're here. What's with that?” Another befuddled query, “You're born and then, what's all this paperwork”? And the prevailing spell-breaking thought that has occurred to many, “They're franchising our lives to us. What do we look like, 'McDonalds'”?

The proposed treaty calls for a ban on all corporate news media until it can be determined whether they are actually reporting any news or just making it up. The treaty also seeks a ban on intelligence agencies worldwide until somebody defines the word “intelligence” intelligently, as well as a moratorium on “Political Correctness” in order to give people a chance to figure out what they really think.

The most far-reaching plans are to call a two week time-out on all wars, just to see if we are really mad enough to kill each other, or if it was somebody else's idea; and to end all government for at least two months to determine whether we really need governance in the first place.  

The Awakened think this is definitely worth a try. As one spokesperson stated, “There is only one war going on here, a War on Consciousness, and that war must end now by whatever means necessary. We have begun to realize that freedom and anarchy are not synonyms, and that consciousness does not require baby-sitters.”

Mission Control and Associated Presses –

Directly in the cross-hairs of the spontaneous global movement to ban Weapons of Mass Distraction is the London-based Tavistock Institute of Human Relations. The Tavistock think tank is considered the nerve center for the global manipulation of human consciousness and is seen as largely responsible for the world-wide proliferation of consciousness-derailng tactics.

Tavistock is being blamed for Britain mounting more spy cameras per square inch than any other country in the world, and for currently seeking to place closed circuit TV in every English household to further scrutinize and demoralize its subjects.

Tavistock has also been accused of experimenting on the unsuspecting British population with microwave weapons, a technology which The Tavistock Institute pioneered in the 1950s, to mind control the populace without their consent or knowledge.

Tavistock denies any wrong-doing, claiming that the only thoughts they transmit are happy thoughts; and the surveillance cameras in use, a modest 4.2 million, are barely sufficient to monitor their results which seek only to ensure that Merry Old England is indeed merry.

Awakening UK residents are ardently defending their right to go to a pub and get merry, if they so wish, rather than have these incessant and annoying high-pitched microwave frequencies crammed down their ears, forcing them into unsought merriment.

Many British subjects also claim that they don't actually feel very merry, despite Tavistock's well-intentioned bombardment.

One groggily emerging Brit confided on BBC Radio News that he was just now realizing that he hadn't experienced a bloody original thought in decades.

Another British citizen, masked and unwilling to disclose his name, stated he instead had been experiencing a repeated, nagging, not-very-merry thought for years, but declined to divulge the nature of his thought on national radio.

The BBC also questioned a representative of Tavistock Institute on air, asking him to comment on the accusation that Tavistock was nothing but a bunch of elitist, nazi-minded parasites feeding off a species that was their natural spiritual superior in order to thwart an unavoidable human awakening with the express and immoral purpose of unnaturally extending their psychosis-driven parasitic feeding frenzy.

The Tavistock representative, apparently incensed by the question, simply responded by screaming, “Poppycock,” into the BBC mike.

His terse response was followed by an annoying high-pitched sound that reportedly caused everyone in the listening audience to cover their ears. As yet, no one in the British Isles has acknowledged experiencing any merriment as its consequence.

Mission Control and Associated Presses –

Countries throughout the world have reported missing politicians. Possibly connected with the global awakening, many former representatives and agency heads have simply disappeared without trace.

The Washington DC Police Department has reported a possible break in this mysterious case of the missing leaders. The DC Police discovered a skeleton in a garden bed on the grounds of Dunbarton Oaks, located in the U.S. Capitol.

The police stated, “It's definitely a politician, but forensics has been unable as yet to determine whether the remains are a Democrat or a Republican. A further complications is that the skeleton was clothed in an 'AS Roma' jogging suit and was wearing 'UK Gear' running shoes, suggesting that the skeleton might be European, and may actually be a Democrat or Republican posing under some other name.”

When questioned how they knew the remains were a politician, the DC Police Chief stated that the skeletal position and posture were conclusive evidence, but the country of origin still remained unclear.

After viewing the evidence presented by the DC Police Department, Interpol requested permission to send forensic teams from both Italy and the United Kingdom to further study the remains. Both nations, also missing politicians, were convinced that the evidence might lead to positive identification of their missing representatives, who fit the DC Police description.

Although governments globally are extremely concerned over their missing members of parliament, cabinet positions and governmental agencies; their respective constituencies are largely unperturbed. As one Italian put it, “Italy is no more chaotic without them than it was with them.” He then broke into singing 'Arrivederci Roma'.”

Mission Control and Associated Presses –

The American subsidiaries of Tavistock institute, which include The Club of Rome, The Brookings Institution, The Esalen Institute for Policy Studies, The CFR, Walden Research Group, The Rand Corporation, The Heritage Foundation, The Hudson Institute, Stanford Research Institute, The Wharton School at the University of Pennsylvania, The Sloan School at MIT, and a stunning list of "their clients" too gruesome and all-inclusive to mention, have decided to back up their “Operation Four Horsemen” with “Operation Godzilla Returns”, just in case.

An insider at The Sloan School admitted that “The Controllers” were leery about successfully pulling off the “Four Horsemen” thing and had called for a backup plan. He stated, “Some of the 'Oldies But Goodies' work better in the long run. Like the 'Reichstag Fire'; from Nero to Bush, it has been an uninterrupted success. Because the tried-and-true always works in a pinch, we're dusting off Godzilla on the off-chance the Four Horsemen gig flops.”

When questioned about the threat of an awakening population, he scoffed, saying, “They'll never wake up. They can't even figure out that it's just software — which programs, by the way, are our intellectual property. Besides, with our superb advertising agency, The Press, they haven't got a chance. We'll scare them right back into the Stone Age and shock them out of their future.”

A spokesman for The Awakened simply commented, “Hubris, by its very nature, is both arrogant and presumptuous. These are flaws, not assets. We are now realizing we are Infinite Consciousness, against which the Massachusetts Institute of Technology and its plans are nothing more troublesome than an unpleasant case of jock itch.”

This response annoyed The Sloan School members who immediately re-doubled their efforts to badger humanity out of its birthright. The School has launched a massive advertising campaign that is actively seeking new recruits for a concerted counter-attack, which they have dubbed, “Operation Vlad the Impaler.”

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